Make Space For Your Emotions (instead of fighting them)
By Maraya Pena, Marriage and Family Therapist, Intern
Most people actually know the moment emotions show up such as anxiety, sadness, and frustration. However, some might have been conditioned to respond to these emotions with avoidance or “i just need this to go away”.
So time after time, the emotion is constantly being pushed down and you are distracting yourself or talking yourself out of feeling it. For many, this is a protective factor in moments of unwanted stress or discomfort (and it can work for a while). Eventually, the emotions come back, get louder, and heavier until its not just a signal being noticed but more of a feeling you are trying to constantly fight.
The exhaustion of fighting your emotions
Just like most situations, we treat emotions like problems that need to be solved and the result can be a constant loop:
a feeling shows up
you try to control or avoid it
it sticks around (or comes back stronger)
then you try even harder to discredit or avoid it
Over time, this can create burnout not just from the emotion itself, but also from the overwhelming effort of trying not to feel it at all.
Your emotions aren’t the problem
Emotions (even the most uncomfortable ones) are just a part of being human.
Anxiety can show up in moments when something matters, sadness can show up when something hurts, and frustration can show up when something feels unfair. They aren’t necessarily convenient or timed well and they most definitely aren’t always easy.
But they’re also not something that needs to be completely eliminated.
What happens when you stop fighting
When you stop trying to push emotions away, something can shift inside your brain and nervous system and telling our internal selves we don’t have to be afraid to feel. The feeling may not completely disappear, but the struggle around it can soften up and the emotion wave eventually comes back down.
Instead of: “I can’t feel this”
It becomes: “this is here right now”
Just allowing a subtle shift in perspective and taking a split second breath to allow space instead of problem solving can reduce how overwhelming it feels, help you stay present instead of spiraling, and give you an actual choice of how to respond.
What “making space” actually looks like
Making space for your emotions doesn’t mean you like them or that you want them there. It can mean you are allowing them to exist without trying to immediately change them.
In real life, that might look like:
pausing instead of reacting right away
noticing where you feel the emotion in your body
letting the feeling rise and fall without forcing it out
continuing what matters, even while the feeling is there
It’s less about doing things perfectly and more about not fighting what’s already happening.
One of the biggest fears people might have is “if i let myself feel this, it will take over.”
But often, that resistance is what makes emotions feel bigger and when you allow space for them, they tend to move, shift, or change on their own.
A small shift you can try
The next time a difficult emotion shows up try:
Instead of asking: “how do i get rid of this”
Ask (gently): “can i make a little space for this, just for a moment?”
You don’t have to commit to the feeling forever, just for the short moment.
Final Thoughts
You don’t need to be a master or expert of your emotions and you don’t need to get rid of them. You also don’t have to fight your emotions to be okay or emotionally safe. You can learn to hold them without letting them hold you.
Learning to feel them, make space for them, and still move forward are the small steps that can create meaningful change one percent at a time.
Ready to Take the Next Step?
If this resonates with you, therapy can be a place to begin reconnecting with yourself in a deeper and more intentional way. Whether you are feeling stuck in old patterns, disconnected in your relationships, or unsure of who you are in this season of life, support is available.
Reach out through the contact page to schedule a consultation and take your next step toward healing.
About The Author
Maraya Pena is the founder of One Percent Counseling, LLC. She helps individuals and couples navigate anxiety, relationship challenges, emotional overwhelm, and life transitions with greater clarity, self-awareness, and connection. Her approach is grounded, compassionate, and focused on helping clients create meaningful change one step at a time.