Start Small: Coming Back to Yourself in Everyday Moments
By Maraya Pena, Marriage and Family Therapist, Intern
When people think about “finding themselves” or “coming back to themselves”, it can feel like something big. Naturally, you might be waiting for a realization, a major life shift, or a sign or moment where everything becomes clear.
In reality, while those huge moments can definitely happen along the way, most of the time coming back to yourself feels much quieter.
It Starts in Small Moments
Seeds of reconnection generally happen in the day to day moments, conversations and routines. You might remember in the first blog series of exploring self-loss, we discussed the importance of moments like:
pausing before you automatically say “yes”
noticing when something feels off
choosing what you actually want instead of defaulting
taking a breath before reacting
While these moments can feel small and not necessarily like a huge revelation, they are the building blocks of how you begin to reconnect with yourself.
Why It Can Feel Hard
If you have spent a lot of time focused on others and what they need, what they expect, and how they might respond, it makes sense that your own voice might feel quieter or “got lost in the weeds”.
Some signs of internal disconnection can look like:
you aren’t sure what you want
you go along things without thinking (autopilot)
you respond quickly, then question it later
If you have or are currently experiencing any of these things, that doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you. You might have gotten used to looking outward, and the multilayered parts of you are going unnoticed.
Coming Back To Yourself Doesn’t Require Clarity
A lot of people might think: “once i know exactly what i need, then I’ll start.”
It actually usually works the other way around through the lens of curiosity.
Clarity can come after you start getting curious about your needs and paying attention to yourself. You don’t need to have everything figured out to begin reconnecting with yourself.
What 1% Steps Can Look Like
Starting the process of coming back to yourself can start with freeing yourself of any internal expectations of perfection or what “it’s supposed to look like”.
It can start by pausing and noticing “What do I want here?” and letting yourself choose something you want. But its important to be aware that we aren’t meant to connect to ourselves in just one way.
As people, we aren’t one dimensional, but rather layered with thoughts, emotions experiences, and different parts of ourselves that don’t show up the same way every time. So it makes sense that reconnecting with yourself won’t look one way either.
Back to the idea of curiosity and staying open minded to experiencing new moments or things like:
creativity
movement
music
being in nature
moments where you feel a little more like yourself
You might even notice yourself more when you are:
writing something without overthinking it
listening to a song that resonates
moving your body in a way that feels natural (for me that is slow walks)
doing something that brings a sense of ease like a hobby you used to love
The point is, there isn’t one “right way” to reconnect. Just putting down what feels heavy and picking up what feels more aligned and noticing what feels more like you.
Final Thoughts
Coming back to yourself isn’t about becoming someone new, but maybe more about noticing what is already there and giving it a little more space and curiosity even if it feels unfamiliar at first. You don’t always need a huge breakthrough to reconnect with yourself, just one moment and then another, one percent at a time.
Ready to Take the Next Step?
If this resonates with you, therapy can be a place to begin reconnecting with yourself in a deeper and more intentional way. Whether you are feeling stuck in old patterns, disconnected in your relationships, or unsure of who you are in this season of life, support is available.
Reach out through the contact page to schedule a consultation and take your next step toward healing.
About The Author
Maraya Pena is the founder of One Percent Counseling, LLC. She helps individuals and couples navigate anxiety, relationship challenges, emotional overwhelm, and life transitions with greater clarity, self-awareness, and connection. Her approach is grounded, compassionate, and focused on helping clients create meaningful change one step at a time.