Moving Toward the Life You Want (even when it’s hard).
By Maraya Pena, Marriage and Family Therapist, Intern
There might be a version of your life that you want to move toward.
Maybe in that version you speak more honestly, show up more fully, and feel more like yourself. Getting there doesn’t always feel easy and the path ahead might look distant because along the way there might be thoughts that show up: “what if i mess this up?” or “what if i’m not ready?”
The emotions that follow are generally fear, doubt, and uncertainty leading us to pause our steps ahead because it might feel hard.
The Waiting Game
It’s definitely natural to want to feel ready before taking a step forward. Maybe you are waiting to feel ready to speak your needs, try something new, or make a change in your life.
Our nervous system craves certainty, confidence, and less anxiety. But sometimes that feeling of “ready” doesn’t always come or pushes us in an anxiety loop.
It makes sense to want to feel prepared before doing something hard, but when your actions depend on how you feel it can keep your life on constant pause. Feelings change or come and go, and if you are waiting for fear, doubt, or discomfort to completely disappear before your move forward, you might be stuck playing the waiting game.
Moving Forward with Emotional Flexibility
In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), the focus isn’t on waiting for the “right” feeling. Instead, it’s learning how to move in the direction of what matters (even when uncomfortable thoughts and emotions are present).
In these moments, instead of trying to get rid of fear or doubt, you can learn how to use emotional flexibility to move with them and carry discomfort without letting it decide everything.
Maybe that looks like:
speaking up, even when your voice feels shaky
setting a boundary, even when it feels uncomfortable
showing up, even when part of you wants to avoid it.
Moving toward those things not because you feel ready, but because they matter to you.
Values Driven Direction
Values and feelings can have a similar role internally, but are also different in a sense of feelings are generally temporary and values are more directional. Values reflect the kind of person you want to be, how you want to show up, and what matters most to you.
When you act from your values, you aren’t necessarily waiting to feel a certain way first. You are choosing that matters to you.
You don’t need the perfect moment or plan, you just need to know where you want to move toward.
One Small Step Is Enough
Moving forward doesn’t have to be big. It can be one small shift toward something that matters like:
sending the message you’ve been thinking about
saying one honest sentence out loud instead of overexplaining yourself
showing up even if you feel nervous (not to get this confused with feeling unsafe. safety is number one priority).
choosing not to avoid something that matters to you (building self-trust).
A small shift can also look like:
Instead of asking: “Do i feel ready?”
Try asking: “What matters to me here?”
Try taking one small step in that direction even if part of you feels uncomfortable.
Final Thoughts
Moving toward the future you want doesn’t mean eliminating doubts, feelings, or fears. You don’t have to have everything figured out today, you just have to take one small step and then another. Begin as you are, just one percent at a time.
Ready to Take the Next Step?
If this resonates with you, therapy can be a place to begin reconnecting with yourself in a deeper and more intentional way. Whether you are feeling stuck in old patterns, disconnected in your relationships, or unsure of who you are in this season of life, support is available.
Reach out through the contact page to schedule a consultation and take your next step toward healing.
About The Author
Maraya Pena is the founder of One Percent Counseling, LLC. She helps individuals and couples navigate anxiety, relationship challenges, emotional overwhelm, and life transitions with greater clarity, self-awareness, and connection. Her approach is grounded, compassionate, and focused on helping clients create meaningful change one step at a time.