You Are Not Your Thoughts.
By Maraya Pena, Marriage and Family Therapist, Intern
There is something your mind can do really well: tell stories.
Stories about who you are, what you are doing wrong, and what might happen next. Sometimes, those stories feel so real that you don’t even question them.
When Thoughts Start to Feel Like Facts
A can show up telling the story of:
“I’m not doing enough.”
“I always mess things up.”
“Something bad is going to happen.”
Instead of noticing it as a thought, it starts to feel like the truth.
Some second nature responses to the thoughts are generally overthinking, second-guessing yourself, holding back from the present moment, or trying to fix it.
Getting Hooked by Your Thoughts
The reality is, this is not a unique experience and something many people encounter.
Your mind starts to say something, and you gethooked by it. Then, you are no longer just having the thought but you’re getting stuck inside of it. When this happens your thoughts can start to:
shape your mood
influence your decisions
limit how you show up in your life
You might not even realize it at first, but your mind and body are interconnected in most ways.
What If Your Thoughts Aren’t the Problem?
Naturally, thoughts will come and go throughout the day. The goal isn’t to get rid of your thoughts and that safety shield mindset usually makes them louder and doesn’t work in the long run.
Instead, what if the shift is this: learning how to see your thoughts as thoughts and not as facts you have to obey.
Creating Space from Your Mind
When you become intertwined within your thoughts, you might start to believe they are urgent commands or absolute facts. In ACT, you learn to shift your perspective from looking from inside of the thought to looking at them from an external position. This is called defusion or in other words, detaching from distressing thoughts.
It’s the ability to step back, even just slightly, from what your mind is saying. Refraining from arguing with it or trying to prove it wrong, but just to notice it.
When you can notice a thought, you are no longer completely inside of it. The goal isn’t to force positivity or get rid of thoughts forever, but to instead make space for them that doesn’t dictate your behavior and steal your present self.
A Small Shift You Can Try
The next time your mind says something like:
“I’m going to mess this up”
Pause and gently say: “I’m noticing the thought that I’m going to mess this up.”
This might feel small, but the purpose is to create distance and soften the intensity of the thought and gives you more choice in how you respond. Just like daily habits like eating healthy or working out, your brain needs to be rewired and retrained to not be afraid of your thoughts.
Your Thoughts Are Like Clouds in the Sky
You don’t have to believe every thought you have. Your mind will continue to generate thoughts because that is essentially one of the many jobs it does. Some will be helpful, and some won’t be so helpful. But you don’t have to believe all of them and you don’t have to let them run your life.
A technique you might want to try is to visualize your thoughts written on clouds in the windy sky, then watch them drift away rather than holding on to them.
Final Thoughts
You can learn to notice your thoughts, create space for them, and still move toward what matters even when your mind is loud. You are not your thoughts, you are the one noticing them. Within that small space is where change can start to begin.
Ready to Take the Next Step?
If this resonates with you, therapy can be a place to begin reconnecting with yourself in a deeper and more intentional way. Whether you are feeling stuck in old patterns, disconnected in your relationships, or unsure of who you are in this season of life, support is available.
Reach out through the contact page to schedule a consultation and take your next step toward healing.
About The Author
Maraya Pena is the founder of One Percent Counseling, LLC. She helps individuals and couples navigate anxiety, relationship challenges, emotional overwhelm, and life transitions with greater clarity, self-awareness, and connection. Her approach is grounded, compassionate, and focused on helping clients create meaningful change one step at a time.